I have only one childhood memory of Toys R Us. (You have no idea how badly I want that “R” to turn backwards!!) My memory is the doll isle. If anyone gave me money when I was little, I would have Mommy or Uncle Jack take me to Toys R Us to pick out a new “baby”. I’m fairly certain that they flipped a coin and the loser had to take me. I don’t remember the details…..but they were kind enough to tell their horror story version of it when I got older! What I remember is staring at this HUGE isle of babies that desperately needed a loving mother and I only had enough money to rescue one!! Since I could only rescue one….I need to know every detail of every baby so I could make the right choice! And since I was only 2′ tall, (I’m just guessing based on the fact that I’m 5′ now!) I needed someone to hand me most of the babies so that I could check every detail and then put them back…..sometimes repeatedly! The way Uncle Jack told the story, it seemed as though we were at the store from open to close. I mean……It was an important decision that couldn’t be taken lightly….I don’t know what these people expected of me! Once the decision was made, I couldn’t wait to rescue that poor baby from the box and get him/her home to change and feed and dress!! Y’all…… my babies were REAL!! (At least until I had something to do that was made difficult by holding a baby!)

OK….my story has absolutely nothing to do with Toys R Us…..I just like that song and figured I’d share that little story…..

So how old are you? Not your actual, physical age…..but how old are you mentally? I’ve become rather obsessed with age lately. At the ripe old age of 38, I feel like I’m about at the jumping off point! I’m gonna blame this on Nana! (This is my father’s mother. The one who raised me.) Here’s why……Nana is 91….physically! Mentally…..I’m guessing she’s between 17 and 25. I think we all are. Recognizing this in her has brought it to my attention in myself and in other people in my life.

Nana will see someone 20 years younger than her walking twice as fast and say, “Awww bless her heart…she can barely get around!” I’m thinking….ya know she passed us 20 min ago right?? 🤔 We just don’t see ourselves as old. It just slips up on us. Am I the only one who tries to step back and see this?

I decided I’m old because I’m doing the things that old people used to do! It just happened over night! Yesterday I was riding around with my best friend and her mom fussing over the radio because her mom wanted to listen to 106.7 (old people music) and we wanted to listen to 104.7 (good music) and today I was riding around listening to all the good music on 106.7! When my kids listen to 104.7 I can’t understand half of they lyrics or I really just can’t stand to hear it! As a matter of fact…who even listens to FM radio anymore? There’s Sirius XM radio and Pandora or heck just look up a you tube video for whatever song you want to hear!

Two weeks ago, when I was in High school, people my age were ancient! A week ago, when my children were still little, people my age were pretty darn old too! Today, however, maybe 38 isn’t so old! I mean (assuming nothing tragic happens) I’m only about halfway done right? A lot happened in the first half. I’m trying to tell myself that there’s a lot to come in the second half!

A while back my husband and I were on the interstate and got stuck behind a REALLY slow car!! When we were able to pass, we saw 2 little old ladies in the car. My husband laughed and made some comment about the little old ladies. I wanna be able to do that! I want to be completely ignorant to how soon that will be me! Instead I see something like that and start counting…..trying to figure how long I have till I am the little old lady in the car!! Probably about 2 weeks! Oh and my husband is 9 years older than me….so I had him do the math! I think we decided he had 14 years till he was officially old which should mean that I have 23 years…..but I don’t! Cause really I’m his age! I mean we’re married so whatever he can and can’t do pretty much determines what I can and can’t do so technically I’m 9 years older than I am!

There’s also the fact that my children are starting to treat me like I treat my grandmother!! I have 2 good examples! First of all I don’t work well with my grandmother! We just can’t do projects together because I know ways to do things 100 times faster and easier and she wants to do it her way and she’s 91 so she wins! The only way is for me to do it while she isn’t paying attention and get it done without fussing! Well the other day we needed to load a dirt bike in the truck. I had this plan where we back up to a hill and use a board and roll it up the board into the truck. The boys are ready to get it done but I’m not ready! I’m telling them to just wait a min til I’m ready cause I don’t want anyone to get hurt! I come out of my room to go load the bike and they tell me it’s loaded! They just picked it up and put it in the truck like they wanted to! So now I’m the old lady making things complicated! Example 2…..I was walking home on the farm with my youngest son and one of his friends. It had been raining so it was muddy. I hit a muddy patch and my feet went straight up in the air and I landed on my behind….cartoon style! Two teenage boys witnessed this happen and neither of them cracked a smile!! They came running to make sure I was alright! (Don’t worry they made fun of me later!) Now if that happened to someone who wasn’t old, they would have laughed till they passed out! That didn’t happen with me!

Oh and I don’t know how to work things anymore! I have to ask my son to hook up printers and fix my phone and set up the TV etc etc etc! I also make everything harder! My son has a paper due and is typing it on his phone! I’m like….What are you doing?!?! You have to write it on paper. Do a rough draft, make your corrections, and then type the paper! He said why? Why would I write it and then type it?? Well….because it’s easier to correct in pencil before ya type it on the typewriter! But we aren’t using a typewriter are we?? Nope! We’re not even using a computer! We’re using a phone!!! To write a paper!! Why does this bother me?? I can’t decide if it’s because I was wrong or because I didn’t have it when I was a kid!

Everything is discontinued! Things that I use on a regular basis just don’t exist anymore! Back to Nana…..she has had me order several things for her that she uses regularly and she is paying antique prices for these simple items because they are almost extinct! I have had 2 perfumes so far that no longer exist. One of them (if you’re lucky enough to find it) now costs over $400 for one bottle!! Because it is almost extinct!! My husband just realized that he can no longer find the brand of soap he likes! (We may need to seek therapy for that one!) I don’t think he believed me when I told him it was getting hard to find! I think there should be a slow process for things like this! Let’s say I wanna use Ivory soap and it is the year 1999. Then in 2020 they decide they don’t want to make it anymore. I think they should be required to carry it until everyone who was alive in 1999 is dead!! They could put a warning on it for younger people to not use it because it will be discontinued after all us old people die! That would make my life easier since I am apparently shopping for 3 dinosaurs!!

Also I have a bed time! I even find myself struggling to make it to my bedtime on occasion! We went to a dirt bike race about an hour and a half away tonight and we were out past my bedtime! I am struggling! How sad is that?

Maybe I should just accept it! Maybe I should start picking out my walker and Hoveround and just get on with it! I’ve started looking into nursing homes! I don’t want my kids to throw me somewhere I don’t like or have the guilt of putting me there period so I think I’m just gonna pick one and put myself there while I still can! My husband is concerned if we’re moving in according to my age or his. I told him we could go with mine if it made him feel better! I mean as long as one of us is competent enough to pick one and sign us in then I guess we’re good!! I guess if anyone knows a good nursing home that should still be around in 14 years then please let me know. I need to do as much research as possible! They need to have good food for sure!!

WARNING!!!! If y’all see me out in my hoveround ya better watch out!! I’ve decided I’m getting meaner in my old age too and I don’t think I wanna fix that so watch out!! I will run you over!!

Y’all have a magical day!! (While ya still can!)